95 Days to Go

"बाहों में तेरी यूं खो गए हैं
अरमान दबे से लगने लगे हैं
जो मिले हो आज हमको, दूर जाना नहीं
मिटादो सारी ये दूरियां।"
- नीलेश मिश्रा, जादू  है नशा है 

Sometimes I forget how long we've been with each other. This is from the first time I visited you in Chennai, and we had a double date with your flatmate. We went to the beach, and had dinner at this five star hotel, and honestly, the only takeaway I had from the night was sitting with you on the beach benches, looking at the moon. We discussed our relationship, and you took photos of us in the dark, which I love to this day.

If the past few days has shown us anything it is that distance has been the bane of our relationship from day one. But even then, when it has come to us working with that distance, it has mostly been you making all the sacrifices to accommodate changes in my life and career. While today's crisis comes from the changing decisions in my career, I want to vow to you that our marriage will place equal priority on both our careers. You will not have to be the only one doing the following - I will follow to where your career takes you as well. I promise that you will not have to put your career or your ambitions on a back seat because of me.

Today was the second of the Diwali parties in this long weekend. I have already bought tickets to Amsterdam tomorrow - so I know that the timing couldn't be worse, given how much we need to discuss and figure out. The place I visited this time is a suburb, so the feel was also very homely, but somehow it wasn't the home I had envisioned for us - which tends to be a bit more modern, if that makes any sense. I know I told you I will let you take the lead on the home decor side of things, but I am finding I clearly have some tastes. Modern apartment architecture over townhouses, wooden flooring, open plan kitchens, cute modern decor with fairy lights, library/bookshelves, and a cosy bedroom.

Ps. Every step we seem to take in this decision seems to only be leading to more conflict, and I am concerned by how much pain I am causing you. I am seriously considering not taking the step forward with this career thing - the risk is there that it will blow up in my face, but there's also the chance that we can have our year in London.

Pps. Te Amo.